All We Want for Christmas is…


Well, since you asked, it’s actually DismantlingofthepatriarchyNoanimaltestingMediarepresentationEqualrightsBettersexEndlessavocadosBirthcontrol but in an attempt at hitting a lighter note, I’ve confined it to 3 small things:

  1. Another Means of Communicating That We Are Not Pregnant

It’s been 2000 years since the Good Lord sent his son to come save us but how does Satan still have this power? The power to afflict us with this annoying monthly reminder of a VERY simple fact: I am not pregnant. THANKS, BITCH (I’m talking to both my uterus and Satan) WE KNOW! WE BEEN PRACTISING SAFE SEX OR NOT GETTING LAID AT ALL WE ALREADY KNOW WE AIN’T PREGNANT ugh honestly this whole ordeal just seems very unnecessary in this century. I feel like there’s a solution the scientists have actually come up with, but Capitalists enjoy the income from tampons/pads and have threatened the scientists into silence. BE FREE, SCIENTISTS! SAVE US! Just for Christmas, please.


  1. Beauty/Beast Stories for Us

The Average Man is very blessed. He gets to turn on the TV and see a man just as average as he is get a very attractive girl—who also works hard and is super generous and humble like she doesn’t know she’s a bad bitch— to fall in love with him. We, known as the Average Woman, are not so lucky. Cool, one or two shows have had that story. But usually we have to be Gal Gadot to get a young Chris Pine. I MEAN COOL, BITCH, I’M HAPPY FOR YOU but I have a wonderful personality can’t that be enough? How many male characters get by solely on their personalities? In that case honestly I deserve Chris Hemsworth. (If you’re reading this, Chris, my IG is @celine_tshika hit me up). So, just this Christmas, can an Average Woman inexplicably get a ridiculously attractive guy because she’s super lovable, so I can have some hope?


  1. To Be Allowed to Mind Our Own Business 

Mens! Hear ye, hear ye. Slowing down your car is creepy, even if it’s a Porsche. Speaking to us while we’re on the treadmill is creepy, even if you genuinely think we do not know how to run. Please, this Christmas, allow us to mind our business? I promise most of us don’t dream of the day we walk on the street and the love of our life slows down his Lambo and tells us to hop in and drive with him into the sunset. Earphones are there for a reason. Okay, two: so Rihanna can tell us we’re better than we really are, and so other people can leave us alone.


I hope Santa sees this and finds a way to communicate this to the relevant parties (incl. Chris Hemsworth) but if not, I at least hope you got a sense of empathy from this. Girl, I know.

Thank you for reading! I wish you all a wonderful festive season ❤



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