Early on in January I made a silent promise to myself that I was going to make 2021 a year that I could be proud of. I wanted to make this year something that I could look back on with a sense of accomplishment. Even though I knew that I wanted to start really getting my life and career going this year, I didn’t really know how to start. Sure I could get a job and agent and go about things the traditional route, but something about that just really didn’t feel right for me. So I asked for the universe to send me a sign about what to do next.
A few weeks after that my mom and I went to Barnes & Noble to pick up Barack Obama’s new book A Promised Land. What started out as a quick stop for one book turned into 45 minutes of book hunting and both of us leaving with way more than expected (book lovers, wats gooood??). Two of the books that I bought really seemed to jump off of the shelf at me, Breaking The Good Girl Myth by Majo Molfino (BTGGM), and Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert. I didn’t know why I was called to them at first, but as soon as I read more about them, I understood that these books were part of my answer from the universe.
I haven’t finished either book yet, but I truly mean it when I say that they have already helped me so much. Both of these books have to do with living your most free and creative life. They are about learning to trust yourself and letting go of the conditioning which holds us back. I honestly don’t think that I could have picked two better books if I had tried to plan it out.
BTGGM has helped me immensely in my ability to see that a lot of what has held me back is my need to be perfect. I, like so many other women, was taught to be a “good girl”. One of the bad things about being a good girl is that it often times means that you’re slow to realize your own worth and are constantly striving for perfection in order to start living the life you’ve always wanted.
Well, as soon as I read that my need for perfection was based in self-doubt and shame, I knew I had to move beyond that. I felt motivated and encouraged to do something that would benefit my career. So what was my next step? I decided that for me, that next step was getting my website together. It was just scary enough for me to test my limits without feeling like I was going to die doing it. So, I asked my lovely and talented bff and the co-editor of this fabulous blog, Marta, to create my website. And man, let me tell you, she absolutely nailed it. I can’t for everyone to see the final product.
I have spent the last 5 months in Sacramento healing and getting stronger and one of the biggest things that I needed to let go of my need for perfection. My perfectionist voice always wants to stop me and tell me that I will never be good enough to do what it is that I want to do. Of course, we are going to make mistakes and have set-backs, but it is important to remember that all of that is a part of the journey, not the end of it. The best way to grow and see change is to move forward with confidence and an open mind.
Now, of course that can be easier said than done sometimes. Which is why I think that taking baby steps is a great way to start. Do one thing for yourself/career that feels just enough out of reach so that you can to grow, but not crazy enough to make you want to retreat back into your perfectionist hole. After I got my website going and I realized that doing that wasn’t scary at all, more things started to feel possible for me.
It’s been about a month since I started adopting this new way of thinking and in that time I started a new job that I LOVE, my first website is a mere weeks away from launch, and the short film that I wrote and starred in is on it’s way to film festivals as I write this. Even as I read that sentence back now, I am amazed at how far I have come. All of that seemed like an impossibility just a month ago and now it all seems like the most natural thing.
I am beyond grateful for this new way of thinking and for how much I’ve already grown because of it. This year, let’s all make an effort to trust ourselves and trust that we already have what it takes to live the life that we want.
Until next time,