I was meditating one night last week and ended up in a sort of dream-like state. All of a sudden, scenes and images from middle school came to me. I remembered what all of my classrooms and hallways looked like, what my classmates looked like, I even remembered specific events and conversations that I hadn’t thought about it years.
I decided to imagine walking through the halls again and all of a sudden, I came across myself. I was looking at my 12 year old self and she was looking back at me. As soon as I saw her, I started crying because I realized how proud she was of me. I looked at her and I realized that I had become everything that I said I wanted to be when I grew up.
Ever since I had this experience, I’ve been thinking a lot about how the past can be a great indication of our future. Not that our past should dictate our future, but that it can hold information of where we may be going and who we truly are.
When I saw myself again as a middle schooler, I was able to see myself from an outside perspective. I was no longer looking at myself and only thinking of the things I lack or wish to change. I looked at myself and saw my true essence and how precious I was at that age. What surprised me even more was that I still have the same energy and spirit as I had back then.
What makes this experience special is that I had been feeling very lost. Many things in my life are changing and while I know it’s all for my good, I had a hard time dealing with all that change. I had been questioning what I’m doing with my life and if what I want to do even matters. But then the gift of this moment came and I was reminded of who I am and realized that everything is as it should be.
As I stood in front of little G, I thought to myself “Would I ever tell her that she couldn’t do something that she wanted to do?” And the answer to that was of course “No” so then my thought was “Then why do you tell yourself that? This little girl is still very much alive inside of you and by denying yourself, you deny her.”
I rediscovered a part of my life that I had completely forgotten about. A time just before I had gotten too caught up with what I believed others thought of me and whether or not I was a “cool” kid. Being able to look back at this version of myself gave me a confidence that I didn’t even realize I was lacking.
Our past can teach us great lessons about ourselves when we are willing and able to listen to it. I think that for all of us, our child self is our most authentic self. Our childhood is the time when our view of the world does not restrain us because all we see are possibilities.Then we grow up and we learn all of the reasons why we can’t do this and that, why we aren’t good enough to have what we want, etc. But the truth is, we had it right as kids!
We are limitless beings, and the world is our oyster. You are enough and you have everything it takes to do what you want to do in this world. Sometimes you just need reminder.
As always, stay fabulous!
-Gianna
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