Dating Yourself

I have been ruminating on the concept of dating oneself for quite some time. Just the other day one of my favorite YouTube channels, Vice, put out a mini documentary about a woman who married herself. I was so intrigued by her reasoning behind it; it’s a commitment to loving yourself and being responsible for your own happiness for the rest of your life. Legitimately practicing sologamy probably seems like a strange and overly dramatic gesture to most people, but the intention behind it carries weight. Our society has normalized being in relationships and getting your happiness and fulfillment from others for a long time, but the newer generations have other ideas in mind.

Of course we’ve heard about the #treatyoself trend, which is nice to a certain extent, though I’m not keen on the unnecessary overconsumption it has been shown to cause. Although if we take the intention [of showing yourself the utmost self love and appreciation] and mix it with a more sustainable and healthy form of treating yourself [by doing things that makes you feel good, happy and whole]… that’s where the magic happens. What if we all decided to date ourselves before starting to date other people?

As a [very] single, independent woman, radical self love has helped me clear tremendously overwhelming blockages in my perception and my energy. From not having truly believed I am a beautiful person until I was in my late teen years, to not shaving my legs for over a year, now loving my cute blonde leg hair… You could say I have come quite a long way in the past 4 or 5 years.

“You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as any other person in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”
– Siddhārtha Gautama

Recently I felt a shift in my energy, my higher Self was telling me that I needed to start taking myself on dates more. Yes, you read that right, taking myself on dates. When I’m traveling solo, sometimes I’m dating myself all day everyday. It’s great! We do whatever we want to do, pretty much whenever we want. I go out to dinner by myself, write in coffee shops, go shopping in any stores I want. I listen to my higher Self much more because I don’t have to compromise with anyone else. When I am living with 5 girls in a city, juggling multiple jobs, projects, schoolwork, a social life… it can be easy to slip into a state of go go go or chill chill chill. High energy and then exhaustion. Throw a significant other in the mix and we have a whole new story. However, we are humans and for us, balance creates ease and happiness. Dating oneself, I think, can create a greater sense of balance.

How do I date myself?

It could be as simple as bringing yourself to a cute cafe for a handcrafted beverage and something to nibble on while you read a book that’s always been on your reading list.

It could be as complex as planning a road trip or reserving a spot in a restorative wellness retreat to a destination you’ve always dreamed of going.

It could be putting together a picnic and going to the beach to soak in the salty air and sun rays.

It could be taking yourself shopping at that kick ass vintage store you love, trying on the most radical pieces and even taking some home with you.

I could be photographing yourself in ways you don’t usually photograph yourself, turning your Self into art.

It could be cranking up the tunes on a night where no one’s home, baking cookies or a sexy loaf of your favorite bread and then enjoying your creations with a glass of wine. Heck, let’s upgrade that wine to organic, biodynamic wine because this is a DATE for goodness sake! We’re being adventurous.

It could be tidying your room, decorating with plants and crystals, lighting candles and incense, and journaling until all your thoughts are on the pages… or painting until all your emotions are on the canvas. Express what you like and love about yourself, what you could work on, and keep yourself aware of how you’ve been treating yourself. Check in with how are you feeling.

It could be challenging yourself to try something you’ve never done, like going rock climbing or paddle boarding, taking a buti yoga class or visiting a meditative Himalayan salt cave.

It could be leaving little notes around the house for you to glance at every once in a while and cause a smile to appear on your face. “I love you” or “I dream of doing this, this and this” or “You’re doing great” are some options.

It could be stopping for some fresh air at a park or other natural space on your way home from work.

Begin by asking yourself what you need. Do you want to expend a lot of pent up energy or be more restorative and do something that rejuvenates you? Ask yourself how often you need these kinds of moments. Would I benefit the most from taking myself out only once a week and having it as a planned me day/night… or should I make the time to date myself multiple times a week, or even a little bit every day. Of course, you don’t need to be spending lavish amounts of money on yourself or buying yourself tons of stuff. It may not serve you to do that. Maybe dating yourself means creating a healthy budget for yourself to work with! Whatever it is, it is important that you get time to explore and express how much you are loved and appreciated [by your own Self]. Remember, you are your own soul mate first.

With lots of love,

Kayla