I have this cute tendency of truly wanting to like everyone. That’s because I don’t enjoy the negativity that comes with actively disliking a person. But, hey, we’re human beings with layers of complexity– eventually, one of us is gonna rub the other the wrong way. (Perhaps rub a lot of people the wrong way.)
I mean, there are probably some people reading this post like “WHAT IS THIS BITCH CÉLINE SAYING THIS WEEK?” (also why are you reading my post, though????) There’s always that guy or that girl in class, or at work, or in your circle maybe, that you don’t like.
So, how does a well-meaning, peace-loving, recovering people-pleaser deal with that one guy who, let’s face it, usually will not shut up?
1. Accept that you don’t like them- and you don’t have to
First things first, be the realest. With yourself. Admit it. Sit yourself down, make yourself some tea or something, and gently tell yourself: “wow, I don’t like this person.” It’s okay. You’re not dramatic for not liking someone. Talk it out with yourself- maybe they bring up insecurities you haven’t dealt with, maybe their energy is just strange, maybe they’re an idiot. EITHER WAY, accept that you don’t like them so you can move on to your action plan.
2. Meditation is your friend
I take it, you have to be around this person at certain times. Maybe it’s weekly, daily (my apologies if so). I’ll start off by saying this:
Do not underestimate the power of deep breathing.
Detachment is what we ultimately want when being around someone that you dislike. Especially if they’re hella loud. (Why are they always so loud about their ignorance also??) Taking some deep breaths firstly gives you something else to focus on, other than their words. And, equally importantly, it calms you down. You probably didn’t notice that your heart rate increased, your muscles tensed and your breathing got quicker when that person entered the room. You don’t have to be obvious or put on a show with the meditation, it could really be as simple as some deep breaths while keeping a straight face.
3. Get away when you can
When you no longer have to be in the same space as them, GIRRRL GET OUT! Do what you can to create as much space between you and that person. Walking to lunch? Start an A-B conversation with someone you do like. Or call someone you like on the way. Sit at a different table if that’s an option. Walk to the car with someone else. Vent to a close friend about that person for a little, but promise yourself you’ll move onto something else so your days don’t become defined by that person. Limit keeping them active in your consciousness even when they’re gone.
PROTECT YOUR ENERGY.
An important aspect of this point, and why I wrote it for myself, is that you can act respectfully towards someone, but you don’t have to go out of your way to be nice to them. You don’t have to strike up conversations, you don’t have to make small talk. You don’t have to engage with them. So when you can, take some distance. Don’t follow them on social media, even if they follow you. Overcome your people-pleasing habits. Don’t seek out anything with them for the sake of “seeming nice.”
Drake said it himself: nice for what?