It’s My Birthday And I’ll Cry If I Want To


My birthday is coming up in a little over a month! #libragang. This birthday more than any other has made me think a lot about aging. Believe or not, for a while I was afraid of this birthday. I was afraid to turn 23 because I thought I was getting old… (I know, I know).

A pic from a photoshoot I did a few weeks ago with the awesome @andreforrestphoto

This fear sort of just creeped up on me out of nowhere. My whole life I’ve looked forward to getting older because I’ve just always pictured myself becoming cooler the older I get. 


I was ashamed to bring it up to anyone because I knew I was being ridiculous for a few reasons one being that everyone gets older and we can’t change that. The second being that no one in their right mind should honestly consider themselves “old” at 23. And beyond this, I realized that by worrying about this, I was telling myself and the world that I was somehow losing my value as I got older. Which is the exact opposite of what I’ve been taught my whole life.

Women are constantly being told that we lose our value as we age. My personal belief is that as we mature and gain life experience, we add value to ourselves, not the other way around. Of course, there is value in youth, but I think we don’t talk about the value of age enough in our society. Especially when it comes to women. This leads women of all ages to think that their lives don’t matter after a certain age. I call BS on that. Truth is, regardless of what society wants to tell us, we are the ones who get to define our value.

This fear of aging wasn’t just about my physical age either. As I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned I my bought my first car last month (it’s exactly a month today) which is a super adult move. I was super proud of myself and throughout this month I’ve become aware of how much of a young adult I’ve become. I have my own car, job, life, friends, responsibilities and whenever I took a second to let that sink in it all seemed overwhelming. I’ve always been an independent person, but I’ve started to realize that I’m truly not a kid anymore. On top of the changes in my own life, I looked at the lives of my friends and I realized that we are all grown up now. These kids I knew at 14 now have jobs and houses, kids of their own, careers and when I thought about that it scared me. 

What I have come to realize is that all of this is nothing to be afraid of. Nothing stops progress like fear and if I am to become the badass I’ve always imagined myself to be, I have to continue to embrace life as it unfolds in front of me. In fact, when I look back at who I was at 15, 16, 17, 18 etc, I’m so happy I’m not that person anymore! If my past is any indication of my future, I’ll continue to feel that way about myself as I grow up. 

If you’ve been struggling with getting older too, I hope this post helped you think differently. 

Love y’all and as always, stay fabulous!


3 thoughts on “It’s My Birthday And I’ll Cry If I Want To

  1. Loved reading this! You have definitely grown so much and you have been and will continue to grow in your badassery. I was 23 when I started with you guys!!!


    1. giannathemermaid August 30, 2018 — 12:46 pm

      I keep thinking about how you were my age when you started with us!! That’s so crazy to me now because I realize how young you were lol! I just always thought of you as an adult, so it never occured to me that you were still figuring things out as well.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this:
search previous next tag category expand menu location phone mail time cart zoom edit close